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The Awful Truth

Amy Nelson, Associate Writer

April 1, 2010

With all the recent changes being proposed and implemented on Goozex.com, many users have been asking themselves, "WTF?!?" Retro gaming has been introduced after years of ridicule and mockery towards those poor souls (may they rest in peace) who dared mention it in the forums. Many souls, over and over again,started the dreaded, "Hey, Goozex should start trading this old crap I've got laying around" threads--almost as if they hadn't seen the 4000 (roughly) other threads on that exact same topic--and were ruthlessly shot down. And yet, here we are today, crawling around in attics and basements, frantically blowing out old cartridges for trade.

And what's all this "games for cash" and "direct trade" stuff? Again, there have been numerous, "Hey why doesn't Goozex turn into every other site?" threads in the forums, and all have been righteously shot down. So why is this topic now up for serious discussion? Have we been sucked into some sort of alternate dimension? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Goozer Nation is a site for the people. We are ruthless crusaders for your cause, gamers--sort of like PETA--but with less fake blood. So we sat down with Goozex, and on behalf of our fellow Goozers we asked them "WTF!?!" And the answers blew our minds.

In our exclusive interview with Goozex co-founder Mark Nebesky, Goozer Nation has discovered the truth--the awful, awful truth. Goozex has been bought out by Gamestop. The recent changes are all part of a dastardly plan to bring loyal Goozers over to the Dark Side. It is all part of a three-step plan to get us so enmeshed that we are unable to escape. First comes the retro trading--this causes the hard-core gamers to increase their point tallies (which makes leaving the site difficult and undesirable). The second phase--cash for games--both renders said points worthless while conditioning Goozers to accept less money for their games. Third step--indoctrination!

Goozex plans to make the takeover public in the coming weeks, but you heard it here Goozer Nation first. So fellow Goozers, we leave you with this final quote from our traitorous leader, "This announcement in no way has anything to do with today's date." Goodbye Goozex, Hello Gamestop. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Editor's Note: Yes, this is an April Fools. We'll have the real interview with BlackCoyote on the topic of retro game trading coming soon.